Friday, January 16, 2009


Monmouth County's Democratic County Commissioners (neé Freeholders) claim to want to cut waste in government. That's debateable, but we'll reserve that battle for another day.
I believe their reduction of board member salaries is an excellent start.
In the spirit of reduction, I would like to help them, and I offer this proposal. Monmouth County has an "at-large" board, meaning that they each represent the county as a whole, as opposed to individual towns or districts. As such, having five is redundant. Indeed, it is arbitrary, as Mercer, a smaller county, has seven. So it has nothing to do with population.
I propose a three-member board. This would result in an instant 40% reduction in board salaries, not to mention less secretaries, printing agendas, etc.
But Abe, but Abe, you say, who would be let go? I've already figured that out, campers. In a bi-partisan way, of course.
Director Barbara McMorrow gets to stay. She runs by herself, and to eliminate her position would disrupt the election cycle of board members. So she stays.
The other four members run two at a time, so one of each pair would have to go. Amy "Hammerhead" Mallet goes. She's the "most recent hire", she got in by the skin of her shark teeth, and doesn't appear to offer anything to the organization. So she goes.
Rob Clifton is the senior member of the board. If seniority counts, he stays. That leaves John D'Amico, affectionately known as "Flippy". Although he served before, that was way back in the 80's, and he's been out of touch since then. He didn't have an original idea then, and nothing seems to have changed since then. Like Amy Mallet, Flippy squeaked in back in '07. So he, too gets laid off.
That leaves two Republicans and one Democrat. How 'bout that. We're back!
The above is a work of satire.

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